Commitment: A Routine and A Rose...

"The first kiss can be as terrifying as the last" 
-Diana Chaviano

Being kissed by another for the very first time can be quite a terrifying affair. From the conception of the very idea of being kissed, to the swooning day dreams, to the very moment of the kiss taking form, a person lives through a semi-nightmare. It is a feeling one finds very hard to describe as it accommodates a mixture of excitement and dread and makes space for both faith and doubt. Yes, first kisses are often made into mementos that mark the existence of a romantic in each individual; a chemistry of carnal desire and a need for love, acceptance and complement. First kisses are often a chivalrous step in any relationship because; it might as well be the last kiss.

A chemistry of carnal desire and a need for love, acceptance and complement.

Through the course of time, mankind has been made witnesses to the truth of love and the responsibility that comes with a marriage. We have lived through a time when women were viewed as mere objects, to the very now where they are important stake holders in the world's market place. We have lived through a time when coloured people were viewed as the least of the society, to the very now where they lead great nations. We have also lived through a time when education was bound within four walls, to the very now where universities have become virtual. Through all this progress, the fundamental need for love by mankind has remained a constant, not subject to time's vindictive course. However, I often wonder what is it about being loved or being in love that one find themselves very drawn to? What is it about this emotion that makes it a need for man to continue to thrive in life? I started writing this article about 6 months back and I was drawn to a pause at this question. And now 6 months later, after many experiences, tears under comforters and lengthy conversations over coffee and booze I believe I have come to a conclusion. The answer I believe lies in this one question: What is it that one expects out of a relationship? Some expect a routine and for some, it's the roses they seek.

Mankind needs love to thrive. -Abraham Maslow-

In the case of marriages, many enjoy the security; the knowledge that the love they share with their spouses is bound by a contract, recognized by the ruling state and furnished with an opt-out clause should either of them wish to leave. But more often than not, this need for emotional security does not only apply to married couples. Many want to be in a relationship so that they won’t be the only one without a date at prom, the only one who doesn't have the promise of a future with a spouse and kids, the only one who doesn't have a routine to fall into; someone to always call during lunch breaks at work, someone to be their plus-ones to events by default, someone to come home to day in and day out; knowing that the other person will be forever there, waiting. I have begun to realize that a sense of security comes with the knowledge or rather, the belief that nothing is going to change. Even though  more often than not, treating a relationship like a routine is going to cause it to lose its spark, the fact that the routine bit of it makes everything so familiar -like the back of one's hand or the lyrics to one's favourite song- makes it the easy way out. And even when things go spiraling down the drain and a marriage hasn't worked for the past 20 years, people seem to rather cling to all the broken pieces of the relationship they already have than undertake a new adventure. But then, after all that is said and done, no one wants to fall into a boring routine. Or do they? 

No one wants to fall into a boring routine, or do they?

Roses have always been a symbol for everything romantic, a signpost that screams CLICHE! but, excitement all the same. As a young girl, I grew older trying to man up and not show the world that on the inside, I am just as much a girl as the rest of the girls who wore skirts and liked pink. But then I grew up one day and realized that no matter how cliched it's going to sound, when a boy gives me a rose my heart is going to feel warm and my lips are going to curl up in a bashful smile. I am going to forever be  pleasantly surprised by something so predictable and it does not matter that the act is predictable to begin with, it excites me because I don't get roses everyday. It isn't engineered into my daily routine. As much as many seek the familiarity and security a relationship offers, there are also equal numbers that want a crazy, mind blowing, heart stopping kind of love; ones like that Fairytales preach and romance novels practice.Through the course of time, experts have always suggested that adding spice and sparks into one's relationship will cause the relationship to flourish further, hence making it a non-routine. I believe these advises come from numerous experiences of trial and error.  However at the end of the day, the happiest relationships seem to be the ones with an equal balance of both these elements: a bit of the routine and a bit of the rose.

Something so predictable, is forever going to make people smile.

And what happens if the routine and the rose no longer makes a person happy? Those who are more routine oriented would choose to stay and learn to be happy for the fear of not finding something better. And those who seek the rose would leave without a second thought, in pursuit of happiness. But only a true lover would struggle to make a decision, to come to peace with themselves and the circumstance at hand. It is best to let go and move on. And the struggle to do so will make stronger people or break the weaker ones just to build them back anew. And at this point, I ask myself, will the last kiss still be terrifying then? Now that one knows for certain that this is the end and it's time to move on, will the fear and struggle to let go still be there? I believe yes, for the future is still uncertain and loneliness looms ahead. But then again, just like what Lincoln said: What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger; and strength -I believe- comes with being independent and loving unconditionally.

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. -Abraham Lincoln-